FIGURES FOR TEACHING

THE ART OF RHETORIC

FIGURES OF SPEECH FOR TEACHING

ALLUSION

1. Casanova was a real Romeo with the ladies. (a true romantic hero); He was no Romeo but (then again,) he was no Juliet monk either; When she lost her job, she acted like a Scrooge, and refused to buy anything that wasn't necessary. * Scrooge was an extremely stingy character from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.
 
2. This place is like a Garden of Eden. (the paradise God made for Adam and Eve); Temptation has been here ever since the Garden of Eden.

3. Chocolate was my Achilles' heel. (my weakness); antonyms: is not my fort(e), strong point, thing * I've always loved writing / interior design / a challenge / action stuff. It's my thing; Sport is not my thing; Sports were never my thing; My thing is music period; Endings are not my thing; Politics is not really my thing; Dancing is kind of my thing. (Your thing is what you like to do, what you're good at doing and what you have some talent at doing.

Dancing is kind of my thing.
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4. I'm a (real) Solomon when it comes to making decisions. (This refers to the story of King Solomon); It is raining so hard, I hope it doesn't rain for 40 days and 40 nights. (This refers to the story of Noah and the ark he built)

5. One swallow does not a summer make, nor one fine day. Similarly one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy; An allusion to the return of migrating swallows at the start of the summer season. From a remark by Aristotle (384 – 322 BCE)


ANADIPLOSIS

1. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. — Star Wars.

2. * I know what I like and I like what I know. (* both of anadiplosis and antimetabole).

3. Talent is an adornment; an adornment is also a concealment. * the action of hiding something or preventing it from being known. (hiding, secretion) 

4. To be persuasive, We must be believable, to be believable, We must be credible,To be credible, We must be truthful.

5. When I give, I give myself. (Song of Myself, by Walt Whitman, 1892); When I win, I win big! (big time: inf. to the highest extent); When you love, love with all your heart.

ANALOGY

1. A politician is someone / a gentleman / fellow / a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a (nice) way, that you actually (will) look forward to going there / the trip. * ...  hell so that you look forward to the trip / ... and make you look forward to the trip / going there.


2. Live as if / though you were going to die tomorrow, but learn as though you were going to live forever!; Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good. Marcus Aurelius

(Technically), If you live every day / each day as if / though it was / were your last, some day you'll (most certainly) be right; Work as if you didn't need the money.  Steve Jobs

* One plausible distinction is that "as if" often suggests the more hypothetical proposition when cast in the subjunctive <as if he were a god>. ... By contrast, "as though" suggests a more plausible suggestion <it looks as though it might rain>.

3. You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.' (Albert Camus)

4. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have / get your way.

5. Life is what happens (to you) while you are busy making other plans.  

6. Management is nothing more than motivating other people.

7. Success is / involves / consists of going from failure to failure without losing / with no loss of enthusiasm.

8. Depression, as far as I'm concerned, is just a waste of time. Fears are nothing more than a state of mind. Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all.

9. Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.  


ANAPHORA

1. People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint  about  them not understanding me; We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.

2. We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving; Not being able to govern events, I govern myself; A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, Nothing else.

3. (In order) for there to be a change, it would be necessary for there to be/reach/exist a satisfactory agreement on this point for all parties involved (in the peace process). (In order) For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.

Our nation needs all this, but in order for it to be possible, we must first work hard, we will have to choose a completely different approach than the one you have been meeting so far. (be introduced: presentar, conocer)

(I agree that) (In order) for a second referendum to be meaningful it would be necessary for there to be a clear understanding of the terms on which we would leave the European Union. (Brexit: abbreviation for the term “British exit”; “Grexit”)

In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present; There must be darkness for light to shine; In order for you to find a job, people need to know you're looking. * I'm assuming you don't want anybody to know you're looking for it?. You could say that.

It is essential for you to be fluent in Dutch and ideally French, with very good English Language skills. On the other hand, it is not necessary for you to be fluent in any other languages; I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right.

4. There can be differences of opinion without there being personal differences; The Buddha compared attachment to drinking salt water from an ocean. The more we drink, the thirstier we get. Likewise, when our mind is conditioned by attachment, however much we have, we never really experience contentment.

5. At the end of the day, life is about being happy being who you are; Many say that true happiness comes from realizing you are no longer unhappy and from realizing the miracle of being alive; The only thing I know, is that I know nothing.

6. Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself; Do what you love. Don't let anybody tell you not to do it. Don't (ever) let anybody tell you what to do (with you life or how to live it); Where there's smoke there's fire; Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.'

7. It is not a lack of love, but (rather) a lack of friendship that makes / leads to unhappy marriages (and even divorce); Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do; Our life is what our thoughts make it.

8. The more we / you have / get the more we / you want. Conversely / On the other hand (en cambio), the less we / you need, the more we / you have; I Can because I think I can; I'm proud of what I've done in my career. I'm proud of what I've accomplished; One / You can be the master of what one / you do(es), but never of what one / you feel(s).

9. What's best for you may be entirely / totally different than / from what's best for someone else. What's nearest the heart is nearest the mouth; Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most; The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

10. Live as though you were going to die tomorrow, but dream / learn as though you were going to live forever!; Studying neurobiology to understand humans is like studying ink to understand literature; (There are many reasons why) being alone is much / far / way better than being with the wrong person / in bad company; Being single is a lot wiser than being in a WRONG relationship

11. (Unfortunately), I was in the wrong place at the wrong time on the wrong day;  (I've said it before and I'll say it again), I want my money right here, right now, all right ?; Rude words bring about sadness, but kind words inspire joy; Philosophy inspires you to live a better life by being better to yourself.

12. (It's funny how) When it comes to giving advice, I can tell you a lot; (but), when it comes to  helping myself (my problems) however, that becomes an entirely different matter / I just don't know what to do with myself; Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.

ANASTROPHE (Hyperbaton, see inversion) It is classified as the figure of disorder.

1. Corie Bratter: Six days does not a week make. Paul Bratter: What does that mean? Corie Bratter: I don't know! (Barefoot in the Park, 1967) One swallow does not a summer make.

2. (My fellow Americans), Ask not what your country can do for you; (instead) ask what you / but what you can do for your country. 

3. I quote others (only) in order the better to express myself. Michel de Montaigne

4. May the force be with you; Patience you must have; Honesty, I value most; This I’ve got to see; The dark side I sense in you; That is a story amazing.

5. Go you must, but sorry you will be. (Yoda, Star Wars)

6. Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

7. Sure I am of this, that you have only to endure to conquer. ( ... but a thing's for sure; Winston Churchill)

8. Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall. (Shakespeare)

9. (There are) so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today.”

10. Not until you become a parent yourself do you understand what it really means (inversion for emphasis)


ANTANACLASIS  (kind of anaphora)


1. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

2. If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired, with enthusiasm. (Vince Lombardi, American football coach) 

3. We must, indeed, all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. Witticism (Benjamin Frankling) 

4. I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!

5. I was always game for any game.

6. People on the go . . . go for Coke.”—Coca Cola. (very busy and active)

7. Put out the light, then put out the light. (Othello)

8. We make the traveler's lot a lot easier. (advertising: Overseas National Airways) 


ANTANAGOGE

1. Yes, I know I've lost my job, but I'm so looking forward to spending time at home.

2. So you live alone? It must be nice to be able to do what you want.

3. I got in a car accident, but I was planning on getting a new car anyway.  

4. I don't really like my job very much, mind you the salary is quite good  

5. The downside of fame is  the lack of freedom and the loss of anonymity; the upside (on the other hand), is the power to bring attention to different issues.                             

6. Walking to work takes twice as long as catching the bus, but at least I get to see pretty things like waterfalls and sunlight instead of the backs of the people in front of you.

7. Riding to work takes almost twice as long as driving, on the flipside / though, it's definitely healthier.


8. Many are the pains and perils to be passed, But great is the gain and glory at the last.

ANT(H)IMERIA

1. If you shower someone with compliments when they lose weight, how will you be able to be supportive when/if they gain the weight back? (deshacerse en elogios); Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you. (don't rock the boat: don't try to change anything, don't mess up the situation, don't do anything drastic, keep things as they are, don't make anyone upset. Ex: When you get a new job, make sure you don't rock the boat).

2. veb: to down a drink (to drink or eat all of sth quickly); to down a jet; to down an apponent with a punch to the jaw (to make s.o. fall to the ground); adj: I'm down for adventure and up for anything (1. to accept or agree to something, 2. availa-ble for.); I'm down for anything. 

3. Let your fingers do the walking. (symbol of the "The Yellow Pages"); Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click I agree; to book a hotel room; Holiday bookings are up 20% on last year; make a booking: You can make a booking by phone with a credit card; to water a plant ...  

4. A problem / setback is a chance for you to do your best; Do your best and keep learning, that's what I believe in; Like what you do, and then you will do your best; My father taught me not to overthink things, that nothing will ever be perfect, so just keep moving and do your best * A setback is a chance for a comeback; I know this sounds stupid, but in some ways, the way I look is a drawback; Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.

My father taught me not to overthink things, that nothing will ever be perfect, so just keep moving and do your best.
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Like what you do, and then you will do your best.
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5. If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best; I want no ifs, ands, or buts – give Sam his game back right now. (excuses). This is what I want,' and there is no ifs ands or buts about it. It's a communication (factor).

6. Talk the talk, walk the walk. Also, Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk. (Supporting what you say, not just with words, but also through action); The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

7. Magic Johnson’s average score of 96 has never been bettered. I think less is more when it comes to kissing in the movies; Chocolate has always been an impulse buy for me. (sth you buy suddenly and without thinking carefully)

8. I'm a homebody / home-lover, really, when it / you come(s) (right) down to it; (Normally) I'm a Monday hater mostly; These Boots Are Made for Walking (by Nancy Sinatra): Yeah, you keep lyin’ when you oughta be truthin’; You keep samin’ when you oughta be a changin’

I'm a homebody, really, when it comes down to it.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/richie_sambora_665999

9. It's a no-brainer for me that at some point our cars will have the ability to drive themselves; How about a game of soccer? Any takers?; Success is never getting to the bottom of your to-do list.

10. Searching online is no longer “searching.” Now we “Google.” (and we blog); All the data then has to be keyboarded. (put information into a computer using a keyboard).

11. There's the watchers and there's the doers and the watchers will always criticize the doers because the watchers will never do anything themselves.

12. There's two kinds of people in this world when you boil it all down. You got your talkers and you got your doers. Most people are just talkers, all they do is talk. But when it is all said and done, it's the doers that change this world.

                                 
ANTIMETABOLE  (chiasmus)
 
1. (My fellow Americans), ask not what your country can do for you, ask what / but what / (but) ask instead what you can do for your country.

2. He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions; A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.

3. Do what you want to do, say what you want to say / Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who (do) mind don’t matter; Do what you love and love what you do. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. 

4.  Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness. 

5. It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.  Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

6. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter entirely / altogether. (diffic. experience, challenge, night.)

7. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

8. It is not about the years in your life, but about the life in your years. It's not the men in your life that count, it's the life in your men.
 
9. The best way to have what you love / want, is to love / want what you have; The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

10. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. 

11. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear; To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

12. You can't get experience without a job, and you can't get a job without experience. You stood up for America, now America must stand up for you; Because I like to think, I find it difficult to sleep, and because I find it difficult to sleep, I think.


CHIASMUS

1. I meant what I said and I said what I meant;  

2. We do what we like and we like what we do.

3. I love the life I lead, and I lead the life I love.
 

4. The key is to fit English (learning) into your life(style), your routine, not try to fit your life into English.

The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.
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5. The key is not to fit your life into English, but (rather) to try to fit English into your life.

6. (We should) eat to live, not live to eat.

ANTITHESIS (see oximoron)

1. (In order) For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first; (In order) to succeed (in life), your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure * To be successful in life, you need to be two things: Passionate and humble; Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die; Bachelors know (a lot / way / far more about women than married men; if they didn't (know) / if it weren't so / that way, they'd be married too; Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
  

2. (There are) so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today; A champion is afraid of losing. Everyone else is afraid of winning; May you ennoble your present by recapturing the joys of the past; I'd rather annoy with the truth than please with adulation.

3. If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting (so unbearable) that none of us would be able to endure it. (go through, experience); It is a clear gain to sacrifice pleasure in order to avoid pain; Live as though you were going to die tomorrow, but dream / learn as though you were going to live forever!.


4. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing were / is a miracle. The other is as though everything were / is a miracle. What do you think about this?;
Sure, you could live like nothing is a miracle. But what’s the fun in that? If you live like everything is a miracle, you have a reason to pause, to appreciate, and to marvel.

5.  There are only two (great) tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting it; Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

6. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early; A man who won't die for something is not fit to live; If you can't find something to live for, you'd better find something to die for; If a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

7. Dying is a part of life, that is what matters (most), and that's the bottom line * If you're happy, if you're confident, that's all that matters; I'm a father; that's what matters most. Nothing matters more; As long as I'm writing and doing what I want to do, that's the only thing that matters (to me).

8. Interestingly (enough), the weaker the body the more it demands; the stronger it is the more it obeys; The less you need, the more you have; The more haste, the less speed. The more unintelligent a man is, the less mysterious existence seems to him; Rude words bring about sadness, but kind words inspire joy.
 
9. Many say that true happiness comes from realizing you are no longer unhappy and from realizing the miracle of being alive; You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes; You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

10. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it; Nothing puzzles me more than the time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less; Much of the difference between what is heaven and what is hell is branding; The death of what's dead is the birth of what's living.

11. (It's) funny how I'm (so) good at giving advice to others (other people), but when it comes to (helping) myself, I don't know what to do; When it comes to being happy, there's no right or wrong. It's just a battle between your happiness and their judgement; Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they leave; Inside each of us, there is the seed of both good and evil. It's a constant struggle as to which one will win. And one cannot exist without the other.

12. If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best; To marry is / means to halve your rights and double your / the duties; Sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to tell; Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. (complex)

APPOSITION (see parenthesis). Appositives identify or explain the nouns or pronouns which they modify

The most important thing is to enjoy your life, to be happy, it's all that matters. 

The only thing I find difficult to watch, horror movies, not that I don't like them. Like 'The Shining,' it's one of my favorite movies, but it's terrifying. 
 
Being self-employed, (that is to say), a freelance, is a very stressful thing, as everyday is a roller coaster of emotions, with ups and downs. 



ELLIPSIS 

1. It's the people who try to be clever who never are (clever): the people who are clever never think of trying to be (clever); The average person thinks he isn't (average).


2. (Technically), If you live every day / each day as if / though it was / were your last, some day you'll (most certainly) be right; Work as if you didn't need the money; An analogy is comparable to metaphore in (the sense) that it shows how two different things are similar, but it's a bit more complex; I think I had an advantage in (the sense) that I wasn't raised religiously.

3. (As for me), The only thing / All (that) I know (for certain / sure), is that I know nothing; I know (that) I know nothing; Life's tragedy is (that) we get old too soon and (get) wise too late; I can because I think (that) I can.

4. Happiness (is) only real when (is) shared; Love is an ideal thing, marriage (is) a real thing; Sometimes it takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence; The only thing I find difficult to watch, horror movies, (it's) not that I don't like them, but (they) are terrifying.

5. Live as if you were (going) to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were (going) to live forever; Every day can be special if you live your day as if it were your last; If you live your day as though it's / it was / it were your last (day), someday you might certainly be / you'll be right !
(It's) funny how I'm (so) good at giving advice to others but ...

6. When (you are) living abroad, it's essential for you and your loved ones to have an emergency plan (plan B); There's no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A; I hate dancing, so don't ask me to (dance); When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to (understand one another).

7. The trick to avoiding loneliness when (you are) living abroad is to establish a balanced routine that works for you. It is a given (fact) that when you move abroad, you will want to do everything at once, but it is essential to ensure you get enough rest, eat healthily and take time to engage in leisure activities you enjoy.

8. Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do; A man is the sum of his actions, (the sum) of what he has done.

9. I'm down for adventure and (am) up for anything; I have travelled a lot and (am) up for any kinf of adventure. * Do not get me wrong I am for adventure but some things are not worth doing as the risk is too high.

10. I love seeing on Twitter when someone says I'm gay, and I say, 'So what does it matter if I am? So be it. * If they insist on going, (then) so be it. (express agreement/resignation): que asi sea, alla tu.

EPANALEPSIS

1. Blood will have blood. (as Shakespeare chillingly phrases it)

2. Common sense is not so common, (as Voltaire reminds us).

3. Man Is Wolf to Man. 

4. Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put and end to mankind.

5. An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life. (Biblical lextalionis). 

6. I can because I think I can.   

EUPHEMISM

1. How is it possible to have a civil war? (not rude);  ethnic cleansing (instead of genocide)
2. You don't make it anywhere without someone helping you out. (to succeed in doing something)

3. I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

4. In many a case, the phrase ‘I’d like to get to know you better’ is a euphemism for "I want us to sleep together" or ‘I want us to f ....”;    I just want us to talk about us; You never want us to talk about John.

We're teaching our toddler how to go potty (Idiom/slang 1. US: to use the toilet: used by children or when talking to children; “Do you have to go potty?” Dora asked. 2. UK, slang (become insane): You poor thing: you must be going potty with worry.

He carved "Gone, but not forgotten" on the tombstone (deceased, dead person),  (also: Met his/her maker, Gave up the ghost, Checked out, Knocked on heaven's door, Kicked the bucket / can; Passed (probably the most common euphemism in use today); Passed away / on; Expired; Departed; Crossed over; Faded away; Got his/her wings ...

Didn’t Make It. This is yet another one meaning that someone has died, although we tend to say that someone didn’t make it if they were in an accident or fighting an illness, as it suggests that somebody didn’t make it through something.

EPIPHORA (aka epistrophe)

1. I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me; My thing is fashion. I love fashion.

2. There is no Negro problem. (There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem). There is only an American problem. (“We Shall Overcome” Lyndon B. Johnson)

3. I want the best, and we need the best, and we deserve the best. - John F. Kennedy

4. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. (Song of Myself, Walt Whitman) 
            
5. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.


HYPERBATON (see anastrophe)


HYPERBOLE    

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. Mark Twain

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. Mark Twain
  
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. Ernest Hemingway

I've told you a million times not to call me a liar.

Everyone is always saying hello to Bob. It's like being married to a superstar!


HYPOPHORA

1. (You know what) charm is?: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.' (Albert Camus); You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

2. Sure, you could live like nothing is a miracle. But what’s the fun in that? If you live like everything is a miracle, you have a reason to pause, to appreciate, and to marvel; What does it take to make a good chess player? What makes a good chess player? Becoming a good chess player requires thousands of hours of practice.

3. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. (1. by the way, incidentally, por cierto, anyways (USA), 2 at least (al menos): it's not a good idea, I don't think so anyway, 3 (regardless, anyhow, in any case / event): I shall go anyway; It's not my fault, anyway.

4. What's the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad; What's the point of working if you don't enjoy it / what you are doing? If you don't enjoy what you are doing you will never be good at it.

5. What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.

6. Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

7. Can you imagine a world without men? There'd no crime and lots of fat happy women.
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it. 

8. (Do) you have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

9. (Do you) Know what's weird? Day by day nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

10. What's the point of working if you don't enjoy it / what you are doing? If you don't enjoy what you are doing you will never be good at it; 

11. What does it take to get you to the point where you have to kill your brother? It's biblical, it's huge. It's so personal; What does it take to get you to like me?; What does it take to put an end to this?; What does it take to keep your marriage alive?; What does it take for you to face reality?

12. What is it that makes us trust our judges? Their independence in office. (en el cargo).
What is it that really makes us, us? It's our ability to write things down, our language and our consciousness; When you boil it all down, what does a man really need? Just a smoke and a cup of coffee.

Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it's the answer to everything. To Why am I here? To uselessness. It's the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it's a cactus.

You know what's (really) weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different; You wanna get rid of drug crime in this country? Fine, let's just get rid of all the drug laws.

The question is not, can they reason? nor, can they talk? but (rather), can they suffer? Why should the law refuse its protection to any sensitive being? The time will come when humanity will extend its mantle over everything which breathes. J. Bentham on the suffering of non-humans animals.

HYPOPHORA IN WORDPLAY

1. Why is it better to love than to be loved? (firts off / to begin with), It is surer; Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred.

2. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

3. Why can't a bike stand on it's own? Because it is two tired (neumatico, llanta)

4. How did the Native Americans get to America first? They had reservations.
   
5. How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg! (iceberg with a lisp)

6. You know what really bugs me? Insect puns.

7. What’s so great about whiteboards? If you think about it, they’re pretty remarkable! 
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway (complete, utter, outright, downright)
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

 
IRONY

1. Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

2. Life doesn't kill you, it makes you wish you were dead.  I just love scrubbing the flor.
 

3. Worrying works! 90 percent of the things I worry about never (get to) happen.

4. Some people try to get you out of slavery for you to be their slave. 

5. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

5. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

6. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. 

7. Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die 

LITOTES

1. It might seem funny but I tell you what, Snoring / Lack of Sleep / Depression / Love / Life is no laughing matter (Calderon de la Barca)

2. Young lovers are kissing and an observer says: "I think they like each other."

3. To write is, indeed, no unpleasant employment.

4. Frank Sinatra is not a bad singer.

5. Selling a house in New York is not exactly a walk in the park, even without the real estate market being weak and uncertain today; Life's not exactly a bowl of cherries when you're an international champ.

6. Taking care of / Caring for a houseful of active kids is no bed of roses. 

7. To be something / nothing to (scream and) shout about (something that makes / does not make you feel excited or pleased)


8. Harry Potter' created a generation of readers in an era when kids could have disappeared into the depths of the Internet. That's no small feat.


METAPHORE

1. Life is a play. It's not its length, but its performance that counts.

2. All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players. And one man in his time plays many parts. His acts being seven ages; Hope is a waking dream.

3. When you get to think about it, the whole internet thing is a mega-tool for us to do something.

4. Being self-employed, (that is to say), a freelance, is a very stressful thing, as everyday is a roller coaster of emotions, with ups and downs; Life needs to be like a roller-coaster ride with ups and downs. Otherwise, it's not exciting.

5. I am racking my brains to find out why he left without saying goodby to me; Fashion is not just beauty, it's (also) about good attitude.  

6. My life's a bed of roses (It is often used in a negative context. Also see bowl of cherries);

Life is just a bowl of cherries, don't take it serious(ly), its mysterious.
 

7. Make no mistake (about it), adolescence is a war. No one gets out unscathed / unharmed (whether physically or emotionally). (unhurt, not harmed, not injured)

8. Writing is nothing more than a guided dream. 

9. A problem is a chance for you to do your best.  Desire is the starting point of all achievement.

10. Learning to type is a piece of cake. It just takes persistence, it's not that hard.

OXYMORON (a compressed paradox or "contradiction in terms"). see antithesis

A more general meaning of "contradiction in terms" or a two-word paradox: a near-miss (almost a hit); seriously funny; awfully pretty; awfully pretty; a deafening silence; an open secret; a tragic comedy; original copies; a love-hate relationship; absolutely unsure; friendly fire; old news; All the politicians agreed to disagree; unbiased opinion; awfully lucky to have survived the accident. 

pretty ugly and awfully pretty (extremely, too much) are not oxymoron. In this instance, "pretty" means "quite." Therefore, "pretty ugly" is NOT an oxymoron

1. Deep down (inside), I'm pretty superficial; (Ava Gardner); I am a deeply superficial person. Andy Warhol; The sound(s) of silence. (Simon & Garfunkel)

2. (Ralph), if you're gonna be a phony, you might as well be a real phony. 
(US inf. insincere person, not real, fake). See while you are at it (ya puestos): used for suggesting something when you cannot think of anything better to do; You might (just) as well enjoy your money while you’ve got it; We may/might as well go home. There’s nothing more to do, (used for telling someone to do something while they are doing something else): ‘I’m just going to clean my boots.’ ‘Well, you can clean mine too while you’re at it.’

Oxymoronic Humor

3. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.


4. I had to give up masochism — I was enjoying it too much.

5. I love mankind — it’s people I can’t stand.

6. Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering—and it's all over much too soon.


7. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.


8. Last month I blew $5,000 on a reincarnation seminar. I figured, hey, you only live once.                     

PARADOX

1. How am I supposed to gain experience if I'm constantly turned down for not having any?;
It's understandable and almost touching that we should expect our partners to understand us without us having explained what's up; * With this webshop system, you can sell your products online without lifting / us having to lift a finger.

2. You can't get experience without (getting) a job, and you can't get a job without (getting) experience. (catch22); Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else / other people have your way. * Have it your (own) way, interj. inf. disapproving (resignation): It will be done your way.; You will get your way. (Usually shows irritation on the part of the speaker.)

3. It's understandable and almost touching that we should expect our partners to understand us without us having explained what's up; It's a sign of weakness to avoid showing signs of weakness.

4. There is only one thing (in the world) worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about; The only thing worse than not getting what one / you want(s), is getting it / what you want; There are only two (great) tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting it; There's one thing worse than being alone: wishing you were.
 
5. (Interestingly), the weaker the body the more it demands; the stronger it is the more it obeys; The more laws, the more offenders; The more haste, the less speed; Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

6. People with eating disorders put tremendous effort into avoiding feeling fat, but the more they do so, the more their lives are consumed by weight and shape concern.

7. It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree; One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman. Simone de Beauvoir

8. (On/Upon reflection) I was never less alone than when by myself. (after thinking about something); On reflection, I think the 1980s were a dreadful, abysmal time.

9. Deep down (inside), I'm pretty / deeply superficial . Humility is something I've always prided myself on; I have / I've a grand / great memory for forgetting (things).

10. If you are afraid of loneliness / being alone, don’t marry; the surest way to be alone is to get married; The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

11. The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. A yawn may be defined as a silent yell. We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.

12. I can resist everything except / but temptation; Many would be cowards if they dared.I find nothing more depressing than optimism.



PARANOMASIA (PUNS, PUNNING, WORDPLAY, PLAY ON WORDS)

1. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway; Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else / other people have your way. * Have it your (own) way!, (interj. inf. disapproving, shows irritation, resignation).

2. Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday; If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.


3. Did you guys hear the joke about the (high) wall? It is hilarious / so funny, I am still trying to get over it. Did you guys hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out; If you don't pay your exorcist, you will get repossessed.

4. Sleeping comes so naturally to me (that) I could do it with my eyes closed; There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though, he woke up.

5. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too; Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

6. What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case / if that were the case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet; I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

7. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me; So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!? It's not the end of the world!
 

8.; I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out; A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

9. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving; My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving. | From: https://short-funny.com/best-puns.php

10. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

11. You can't blame gravity for falling in love; This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.

This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time. | From: https://short-funny.com/best-puns.php

This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time. | From: https://short-funny.com/best-puns.php

 
12. I was always game for any game. (To be willing to do something, to be ready for action, are you game?

PLEONASM

1. It's lonely at the top, but you do eat better; I do care about you. (do is used to emphasize that one does truly care)   

2. Work as if you didn't need the money. Most of us work because we do need the money;  The reality is (that), more often than not, that people do find it difficult to change their behaviour; There are too many things I find it difficult to say 'no' to; I find it difficult to watch myself... I find it boring * It's a date I find difficult to forget, it was my brother's funeral / wedding.

3. The reality is (that) people mess up, dont let one mistake ruin a beautiful thing (make a serious mistake); This is your last chance, so don't mess up! (no la cagues, meter la p.)

4. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

5. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it;  Mavericks are nonconormists. They pride themselves on going it alone. (act by oneself without assistance). 

6. Dying is a part of life, that is what matters, that's the bottom line.

7. This was the most unkindest cut of all.  William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.

8. I heard it with my own ears. I saw it with my own eyes.

9. I don't think anyone would disagree with the statement that the holidays are the toughest time of the year to eat healthy. Eating healthy during the holidays is tough!

10. I find it impossible to fall in love (with a picture of someone I haven't even met); I find it / it's impossible (for me) to read Proust. For me, reading Proust is like watching a painting in ULTRA ULTRA slow motion.


RHETORICAL QUESTIONS

1. Are you serious?; You didn't think I would say yes to that, did you?; Do you want to be a failure for the rest of your life?; There's no point, is there?; Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke? 

Whether you come from heaven or hell, what does it matter, O Beauty!
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/charles_baudelaire_396462

2. Whether you come from heaven or hell, what does it matter, O Beauty!; To be 64 is appalling, so what does it matter being 65?; I sometimes lie, especially about personal things, because what does it matter?

3. What's the point of working if you don't enjoy it / what you are doing?; Is Reading in the bathroom considered Multitasking?

4. With all the violence on TV today, is it any wonder kids bring guns to school?; Sure, you could live like nothing is a miracle. But what’s / where's the fun in that? 

5. Why Be Normal? Where's the Fun in That?; If we obey all the rules, where's the fun in that?; Is being a housewife a job? Should women get paid for this?

6. Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her -- when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?

Rhetorical Questions That Have No Answers

5. What's the matter with kids today?; How many times do I have to tell you not to yell in the house / not to call me a liar / not to do that?; Why me?; Who cares?; Why bother?; How should I know?

6. What do batteries run on?; What do chickens think we taste like?;  Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?

Phylosophical, rhetorical questions (that we'll never solve)

7. What is the meaning of life?, Why is there something rather than / instead of nothing?; What do I know?; What does it take to get you out of your comfort zone?

8. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

9. Can you really experience anything objectively?

10. You need answers right now, don’t you / right?

RHYME

1. Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow, without (having) a little rain.

2. Money spent on the brain is never spent in vain.
  3. No bees, no honey; no work, no money.

4. No pain, no gain.

SIMILES

1. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving; Life is like a piano, what you get out of it (largely) depends (to a remarkable extent / entirely) on how you play it; Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get; Life is like a puzzle: half the fun is in trying to work it out; Life is like a roller coaster, live it, be happy, enjoy life.

2. (Doing) math(s) is like going to the gym for your brain / it's a workout for your brain, strengthens and sharpens your mind and it makes you smarter; Learning English is like learning to swim or play ball. We learn to swim by swimming, to play ball by plaing ball, and to speak English by speaking English.     

3. Dream as if / like you will live forever; Live as if / like you will die today; Live as if you were to die today, Learn as if you were to live forever; Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching / as if nobody were watching.

                          
4. Worry(ing) is like (sitting on) a rocking chair: it (will) gives you something to do / you can rock all you want, but never gets you anywhere / but it doesn't get you anywhere / but (it) gets you nowhere / but (it) won't get you anywhere.

5. Again, I emphasize you don't have to speak like a native in order to get your point across.  
You don't have to speak like a native to get by, but it is a lot more fun if you can understand what locals are saying to each other as they pass by you on on the street!

6. Living without philosophising is literally (like) having your eyes closed without ever trying to open them; Dating without wanting to get married is like shopping without (carrying) money. You either leave disappointed or take something that isn't yours.

7. Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go “I Agree”. Saving money is just like making money; Talking to a communist is literally like talking to a (brick) wall; Having a husband is literally like having a child!;

8. Trust is like an eraser it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake; Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we get / become; and the same is true of / the same goes for fame; The Buddha compared attachment to drinking salt water from an ocean. The more we drink, the thirstier we get. Likewise, when our mind is conditioned by attachment, however much we have, we never really experience contentment.

9. Dating without wanting to get married is like shopping without money. You either leave disappointed or take something that isn't yours; To get divorced (just) because love has died is like selling your car because it's run out of gas; Like most married couples we've had our ups and downs, but things are going fairly well lately /(right) now / but life's like that / but that's life, I guess.

10. I find it impossible for me to read Proust / Henrry James, It's /That's / That would be like having no money and going to the Palace Hotel.